#BigRonFilmReviews: Reblogged

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Brick Mansions (2014)

This all looks familiar…

I’m sure i’ve seen this but it’s new out…

Hang on even the French bloke looks a bit familiar…..

Oh it’s a remake of the Parkour film District B13!!!

In the near future an area of Detroit has become so crime ridden and Unpoliceable they’ve built massive walls around it. Super cop Paul Walker is given the task of going into said walled-area to retrieve a Neutron bomb with just the Parkour dude from the original French movie for help.

It’s kind of like The Raid but nowhere near as good. The fighting and some of the stunts are cool and impressive but they’ve Hollwooded everything. It’s bigger, bolder and louder…. which of course makes it inferior. From memory the stunts in the French version were so good because the guy was clearly doing the action… In this I don’t think it was always the case.

Poor dialogue and crap villains detract from the good chemistry Paul Walker and David Belle build up but action fans will probably find things to enjoy. It’s not horrible but it’s a shame Paul Walker’s final movie isn’t a little bit better. RIP.

“Sometimes you don’t gotta be a rocket scientist. You just gotta have a rocket!”

“I handle what needs handling.”

“Revenge and justice are not the same thing. They never are.”

“This is going to be a lot of fun.”

“There’s a situation that demands the best of the best.”

“Tremaine: Brick Mansions gangsters! We buy or we die!”

“Different method, same results”

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Afternoon Delight (2013)

Kathryn Hahn has a very good life, she’s wealthy with a good husband yet she finds it stale and mundane. Her sex life is nonexistent and she longs for something to change. To spice things up she heads to a strip where she befriends Juno Temple and invites her to live in her house.

Yeah that will end well. Actually it might have had not become a self fulfilling prophecy - treat a whore like a whore and she’ll behave like one…. I guess.

This is a Mother Daughter/Sister/Friendship fish out of water voyage of discovery with an edge. It’s quite rude, there is plenty of sex and lots of naughty talk plus this is the movie you watch if you want to see Temple give Hahn a lap dance.

I found this amusing and occasionally quite sad. The growth journey is a strange one, i’m not sure I really got it and the Juno Temple character doesn’t seem to get a victory of any kind. 

I picked up on this solely because of Kathryn Hahn, comedic actors has a history of working well and I think this is the case here, Hahn has a hell of a meltdown that I loved but the whole thing could have done with a better plot.

"Still no sex"

"Name one goof thing that came from blogging?"

"How did the stripper get in the maids room?"

"I might even suck it right off"

"Oh my God! you just snorted!"

"I wanna here about everyone’s abortions"

"Do I look familiar to you? You gave me a lap dance last weekend"

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Gary Oldman really does do good loony!

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Stripes (1981)

Bill Murray is having the kind of day they write blues songs about. Having lost his job, his girl, his car and his home he decides to join the Army and takes Harold Ramis along for the ride.

It’s vintage Bill Murray in an Army version of Police Academy. Boobs, homophobic gags, clashes with authority etc but by the end they start the soldiering and end up heros.

Murray is in full Caddyshack mode and there’s good support from John Candy, Harold Ramis and Judge Reinhold.

Not up there with the top, top 80s comedy stuff but nay bad.

"Son of bitch! Shit!"

“I got $3 says I can do five push ups”

Well I got the shit kicked out of me in Wisconsin once. Forget it!”

Chicks dig me, because I rarely wear underwear and when I do it’s usually something unusual”.

Did you ever see a monk get wildly fucked by some teenage girls?”

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What If (2014)

Decent. Review here.

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The Battered Bastards of Baseball (2014)
Yep. I’ve reactivated my Netflix.
A documentary detailing the surprising story of Bing Russell (Kurt’s Dad) and his independent Baseball team the Portland Mavericks. 
When existing Portland franchise moved on to Washington Bing took his chance to set up an independent franchise and ruffled a few feathers. Think Moneyball crossed with a true version of Major League.
Through vintage B&W footage and basic interviews we learn of Bing’s motivation for his passion project and his love for the game. With open tryouts he assembled a team of loose canons, hasbeens, neverwases and misfits and got a lot of media attention.
This is a triumph of the human spirit, classic underdog tale that is all the more inspiring because it’s true. That said it’s more mildly interesting that inspiring.
"It was an insult to the City".
"I just thought that playing for the Mavericks would be better alternative to painting fucking houses!"
"I think that my glove should be in the hall of fame. Not me. My glove".
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The Battered Bastards of Baseball (2014)

Yep. I’ve reactivated my Netflix.

A documentary detailing the surprising story of Bing Russell (Kurt’s Dad) and his independent Baseball team the Portland Mavericks. 

When existing Portland franchise moved on to Washington Bing took his chance to set up an independent franchise and ruffled a few feathers. Think Moneyball crossed with a true version of Major League.

Through vintage B&W footage and basic interviews we learn of Bing’s motivation for his passion project and his love for the game. With open tryouts he assembled a team of loose canons, hasbeens, neverwases and misfits and got a lot of media attention.

This is a triumph of the human spirit, classic underdog tale that is all the more inspiring because it’s true. That said it’s more mildly interesting that inspiring.

"It was an insult to the City".

"I just thought that playing for the Mavericks would be better alternative to painting fucking houses!"

"I think that my glove should be in the hall of fame. Not me. My glove".

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Chef (2014)

A thoroughly enjoyable flick. review here

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The Losers (2010)

Betrayed by the CIA a band of ball breaking, wise-cracking misfits seek revenge their revenge in this formulaic action comedy. Think the A-Team crossed with The Expendables but mainly think A-Team.

Nothing we haven’t seen before, slow walking, fast editing and pumping music. Double, treble twists and silly deaths. The crack team have silly names and specialist skills and with the help of femme fatale Zoe Saldana they are hunting down Jason Patric’s pantomime villain.

Chris Evans is playing Face, Jeffrey Dean Morgan is Hannibal, Idris Elba needs a new agent and Zoe Saldana is doing a similar thing to Colombiana.

It’s passable and inoffensive but not original in any way.

"I’ll drive!"

"You’ve just been chopper-jacked fellas!"

"When I was little…. i collected human ears"

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What If (2014)

"What if….. When Harry Potter met Sally" for 2014.

Review here.

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Top Banter. The Heat (2013)

Review here

(via fuckedupwhispers)

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What If (2014)
OR to give this it’s real title “What if… Harry Potter met Sally”. 
Harry Potter is unlucky in love, Zoe Kazan is happily committed. When the two connect at a Party she parks him in the friendzone but things were only ever going to go one way. Yep. We’re asking that can men and women be friends without falling in love and boning question again? The answer we all know is… no. Of course not.
An old scenario nicely freshened up. This is quirky twenty-somethings from alternate Toronto.  They’re cynical and arty. They ask existential questions about life, love and fidelity. It’s littered with that alt-indie douchebag with a guitar music you get in these things (some of which is ok). There’s also occasional animation and It feels like it’s trying (very hard) to be a certain type of movie, a bit Nick & Norah, a bit 500 days of Summer.
This is quite tender in tone with an all too convenient ending but it’s punctuated with enjoyably crude dialogue that kept me engaged. Harry and his buddy and Kazan and her Sister have plenty of day to day conversations that made me chuckle. As a main couple Harry and Kazan are pretty cute -  I may be turning into a hopeless romantic in my old age you know.
Daniel Radcliffe once again leaves me confused, i’ve seen 10+ of his movies now and I can’t even decide if he can act. He does have a certain charisma and at times I was thinking thought ‘budding Hugh Grant’ but at other times I kind of hated him.
Not overly original but they’re cool enough cats to hang out with and I found it charming enough.
“I just had sex and I’m about to eat nachos! It’s the greatest moment of my life!”
“I don’t know if you’re actually cynical or just a super crazy romantic cheeseball”.
"Please stop telling people that…. and stroking my face!"
"Is this how you always make friends, like it’s a business deal?"
"Can Men and Women really be friends or do you secretly wanna bang Chantry?"
"Are you trying to sleep with my Girlfriend?"
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What If (2014)

OR to give this it’s real title “What if… Harry Potter met Sally”. 

Harry Potter is unlucky in love, Zoe Kazan is happily committed. When the two connect at a Party she parks him in the friendzone but things were only ever going to go one way. Yep. We’re asking that can men and women be friends without falling in love and boning question again? The answer we all know is… no. Of course not.

An old scenario nicely freshened up. This is quirky twenty-somethings from alternate Toronto.  They’re cynical and arty. They ask existential questions about life, love and fidelity. It’s littered with that alt-indie douchebag with a guitar music you get in these things (some of which is ok). There’s also occasional animation and It feels like it’s trying (very hard) to be a certain type of movie, a bit Nick & Norah, a bit 500 days of Summer.

This is quite tender in tone with an all too convenient ending but it’s punctuated with enjoyably crude dialogue that kept me engaged. Harry and his buddy and Kazan and her Sister have plenty of day to day conversations that made me chuckle. As a main couple Harry and Kazan are pretty cute -  I may be turning into a hopeless romantic in my old age you know.

Daniel Radcliffe once again leaves me confused, i’ve seen 10+ of his movies now and I can’t even decide if he can act. He does have a certain charisma and at times I was thinking thought ‘budding Hugh Grant’ but at other times I kind of hated him.

Not overly original but they’re cool enough cats to hang out with and I found it charming enough.

I just had sex and I’m about to eat nachos! It’s the greatest moment of my life!”

I don’t know if you’re actually cynical or just a super crazy romantic cheeseball”.

"Please stop telling people that…. and stroking my face!"

"Is this how you always make friends, like it’s a business deal?"

"Can Men and Women really be friends or do you secretly wanna bang Chantry?"

"Are you trying to sleep with my Girlfriend?"

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Lucy (2014)

Fuck me!
Oh Wow.
Erm.
Gosh.
Think Limitless but instead of becoming really smart you become super human.
Scarlett Johannson is duped into delivering a briefcase to a Korean Mobster in Taiwan. She’s turned into a drug mule but is carry no ordinary drug - she’s carrying CPH4, a drug released in the womb that activates the brain (basically). Fortunately she gets kicked in the belly and the drug seeps into her body transforming her into…….. more or less God?!? I dunno.
At the centre of this is an interesting idea about opening your mind and the 10% theory but it’s just nonsense. Why did they make her a God?
For me it would have been sufficient to maximise her human abilities not make her telekinetic and omniscient. She defys all rules of physics and turns into Neo from the Matrix.
Horribly constructed with inconsistent visuals (some good some terrible) this things cuts away to nature documentaries and an awful cgi neanderthal thing that completely took me out of the narrative.
I mean, I don’t think it’s good, it’s kind of confusing and the ending is woeful. BUT in some ways it’s fun and it might one day become so bad it’s good. Maybe.
We humans are more concerned with having than with being”.
Ignorance brings chaos, not knowledge”
We’ve codified our existence to bring it down to human size, to make it comprehensible, we’ve created a scale so we can forget its unfathomable scale”.
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Let’s Be Cops (2014)

Imagine a buddy Cop movie where the buddies aren’t Cops. Well here it is. This movie is a one trick pony that occasionally makes you groan and sigh, very occasionally makes you belly laugh but mainly leaves you feeling nonplussed.

Jake Johnson and one of the Wayans’ are basically losers with unfulfilled potential. Life is giving them lemons and they ain’t doing Tequila. When they dress up as Cops for a Masquerade Ball (see - Losers!) they bizarrely get attention from girls (??) and get a taste for power and a better life. However with Police comes criminals so they get more than they bargained for soon end up out of their depth with the Russian Mob.

Some of the basic buddy comedy stuff is ok, Jake Johnson is pretty good. I throughly enjoyed the Mexican/Cuban/Yardie guy and the Slutty Woman but wasn’t so hot on the the fighting sorority women and bringing down a naked Sumo man stuff..

I’m not sure what this movie thinks it is, does it want to be gross out? Does it want to be subversive?i Does it want to be an Action movie? Not sure. At it’s worst this is Ride Along, at it’s best it’s The Heat.

This lost me at times but just about pulled me back in. It is what it is, I think it’ll fin an audience.

"I’d quite like to take of your dress and put my Penis inside of you!"

"I look like somebody hit me in the face with Lil Wayne"

“That’s what you get!”

"People actually think we’re Cops!"

"Daaaaaam!"

"I will slap that little Afro off your head!"

"What is your name? Not your gang name or your stripper name!"

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Sin City: A Dame to Kill For (2014)

More Dick Tracy meets Barb Wire and kinda LA Confidential.

Like the first one, not really a movie more a series of violent vignettes with husky narration. Same comic book meets film noir black-and-white-flash-of-colour, pouring rain, in the shadows, smoky film noir style.

It’s beautiful, every shot could be a still you frame and put on a wall. People don’t really have conversations they speak in conceited soundbites and several have short term memory issues. Marv is pretty cool, Eva Green runs around naked quite a lot (which is nice). Big stars rock up kill or get killed and the Joseph Gordon-Levitt bit seemed completely irrelevant - like he was only in the movie because he asked to be.

I’m not surprised I didn’t think much of it. I didn’t really get the first one, I didn’t really get this one but I’m sure others will be fairly happy with it.

Not my thing really.

"I’m ambidextrous"

How did I get here? What have I done?”

“That right there is a dame to kill for…”

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Snowpiercer (2014)

Man’s interference with the environment has finally made it uninhabitable. All but a lucky few that boarded the eponymous Snowpiercer - a kind of mega train the size of a city survive. 

Firstly this an interesting concept for a world and a movie. Oppressive, original, violent and cruel. It’s kind of like Noah but with Snow crossed with maybe the Hunger Games or even a Mad Max. The movie explores themes of slavery, fate, religion, order, Astrology, class systems and revolution, it even has it’s own Hymns and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

This plays like a computer game with defined levels dictated by the doors on the train. Each compartment seems to have a defined theme, everything from 1920s Jazz to the extremely futuristic. An interesting and effective structure.

Littered with foreshadowing and with a few twists and surprises. This movie is dark themed with occasionally graphic, hacking violence that contrasts wonderfully with the beautiful imagery of light, splattered vibrant blood and even snowflakes.

I think I can give this no greater praise than to say it’s like a fairly typical South Korean film. Challenging, complicated, surprising, beautiful, intricate, a little but twisted and altogether superb.

"Cigarettes have been extinct for more than ten years now"

“The train is the world. We the humanity”.

"They just need one person".

"I’m a shadow of my former shadow".

“Happy New Year!”

“Don’t open it!”

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