#BigRonFilmReviews: Reblogged

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Crocodile Dundee (1986)
Guilty pleasure rewatch.
Double fish out of water comedy drama. Linda Koslowski (amazing swimsuit) is writing a piece on ‘Crocodile’ Mick Dundee. He saves her from a polystyrene croc and feeds her some dodgy grub then it’s back to NYC for crotch grabbing, boyfriend punching, knife wielding merriment.
Love it. The scene in the subway station with the West Indian Guy and heavily accented New Yorker is just brill.
Paper thin plot and cheesy lines but it’s lots of fun and it’s on twice a day in the UK which is always handy.
"Tastes like shit, but you can eat it".
"She not gon marry Richar".
"That’s not a knife".
“Flat out like a lizard drinkin’”.





Directed by Bong Joon-ho, Written by Bong Joon-ho and Kelly Masterson, Starring Chris Evans, Tilda Swinton, John Hurt, Octavia Spencer and Song Kang-ho

Synopsis - Set in a future where a failed climate-change experiment kills all life on the planet except for a lucky…

A UK release of any kind would be lovely

22 Jump Street


Calm down film with your sequel jokes and meta shit, you’re all too adorable.

That was the most responsive cinema crowds I’ve been part of since The Heat came out - glad everyone else enjoyed it as much as I did!


Mrs. Brown’s Boys D’Movie (2014)
Oh bloody hell. Sigh. I’m considering changing the name of my blog to #BigRonSlagsOfMovies.
I did not want to watch this movie. Time convenience and curiosity driven by this making it UK number 1 have driven me to make a very, very bad decision.
This is of course a very poor excuse for a movie. In the main Blokes dressed as women ceased to be funny in c1975 - I can’t imagine it was that funny then.
A TV star from a show I do not watch ends up in trouble with the Taxman and tries to save his/her market stall.
It’s lowbrow nonsense - in a bad way. It parodies a few superior films pushes a few boundaries by being just a little bit racist and is huge stinking turd of a movie.
I really didn’t even crack a smile, it’s maybe better than the Keith Lemon movie but probably not even that.
"Feck off!"
"Sometimes you’re as useless as a knitted condom"
"Does it involve Blind Ninjas?"


Over the weekend I finally got to see Dawn of the Planet of the Apes and I am so glad I did (yes, I know I’m late to watching it but I was out on vacation). Besides being a great sequel to the 2011 film, Rise of the Planet of the Apes, this film really blew me away with its CGI. During the movie I caught myself at times wondering if the creature I was seeing on screen was an actual living breathing ape or if it was simply animated (see: that last frame of the orangutan Maurice which really threw me for a curve). 

The technology in the film is called motion capture and it works by using reflective points on the skin to identify and capture an actors body movement and facial expressions (done via a camera that’s attached to a specially designed helmet). These data points are later used to animate a digital character around the actor and, as you can see from the gif set above, the results are very impressive with 100% of the actors emotions translating into the CGI effects. 

I find that often times we can be dismissive about the power of visual effects and CGI in films and television because of some very bad examples we’ve seen. Studios pump out the most basic storyline  and give the special effects department a shoestring budget to work with and leave audiences complaining about how gimmicky and plastic the film looked. 

I’m very glad that a film I had been looking forward to did it right. If you haven’t seen the movie yet I really recommend you do - it’s substantially better than the first and it features apes riding on horses (which should be reason enough to go watch).

(Source: xmendaily, via foshizzlemovies)


In The Blood (2014)
Oh gosh. This is not even a B movie.
Pfftt. I mean where to start.
Gina Corano and some bloke i’ve never heard of head of to the Dominican Republic on honeymoon. From the off we are subjected to awful coupley-romance-lovers stuff. It’s awful because there is ZERO chemistry between them, it looks like the married couple have two have only just met.
Things go south rather quickly when her husband goes missing in daft circumstances. From then on it’s up to the incredibly resourceful Carano (with her shady past) to find him in a foreign land where she doesn’t speak the language and corruption is rife.
Terrible plot, unbelievable motive, woody acting, bad action and an awful scene set in a toilet. The only moments that were even half way enjoyable involved Machete and he has barely 5 mins screen time.
Abysmal. Think Man on Fire crossed with the worst Jean Claude Van Damme movie never made.
"I didn’t kill him for real. He’s asleep".
"These gringo bitches and my Caribbean dick get on real well!"

The Bodyguard (1992)
Shamefully enjoyable, melodramatic thriller with 90s stalwart Kevin Costner and the late Whitney Houston (plus the bloke from Spandau Ballet that isn’t Tony Hadley and wasn’t in Eastenders).
Costner, a John-Wayne-Clint-Eastwood type tough guy that didn’t stop Reagan being shot but  can shoot with his eyes closed reluctantly agrees to Bodyguard for under threat megastar and überdiva Whitney Houston (probably not a stretch for her).
A romantic thriller that I secretly don’t mind watching when her indoors fancies putting it on. Sex and feelings get in the way of Costner’s staunch professionalism. There’s decent chemistry between Houston and Costner - and once again i’m reminded how much I actually like 90s Kevin Costner. Whitney Houston is perfectly decent in an acting role and i’m ashamed to say….. i don’t mind the songs!
Little twist toward the end, daft finale but a decent movie.
"Noooo. Noooooooooooo".
"But I can’t fuck you?".
"Why stop at one sister when you could have fucked them both?"
"Never heard of him!"

Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (2006)
I caught Step Brothers the other day so rewatching this little gem felt like the right thing to do. This is Adam McKay retreading Days of Thunder path only this time it’s actually supposed to be funny! And indeed it is.
Will Ferrel and John C Reilly are a pair of semi retarded yet successful NASCAR drivers who have the world at their feet… kinda. As is the way in these things everything goes to pot when his boss hires homosexual French Formula one Sacha Baron Cohen to the team and Ferrell loses his mojo….
I’m an Anchorman man, I like Will Ferrell, I like a little far fetched ridiculous humour, I also think comedy sports movies are a good thing so quelle surprise - i’m a fan of this movie. The Bromance between Ferrell and Reilly is great, Gary Cole’s miscreant Father is wonderful and his two kids have some killer lines.

They play the Sacha Baron Cohen gay card a little too much but I think this is quite underrated and if you haven’t given it a try and you like stupid humour, get involved.
“Shake & Bake!”
"I mean I wake up in the morning, I puss excellence!"
"That’s why you should use… MayPax. The official tampon of NASCAR"
"Help me Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise, use your witchcraft on me to get the fire off me!"

Colombiana (2011)
Nothing new but not too bad Luc Besson written revenge flick with Zoe Saldana.
It’s a bit of gender convention switch thing (although Besson has done female assassin thing in the past). Years after her family was murdered by a rival Colombian drug Cartel Saldana is systematically bumping people off and leaving messages to flush out the man that killed her family whilst Lennie James tries to figure out what the hell is going on!
 Think Natalie Portman from Leon all grown up and Columbian…
Some inventive assassinations, a little parkour through the Bogota favelas, some nice stuff with Vomit and sharks and decent support from Cliff Curtis. Saldana is pretty convincing as a ruthless killer but I could have done without the Painter love story arc.
Pretty cool, pretty slick I quite enjoyed it.
"Kill this Motherfucker!"
“I want to be a killer…. Can you help?”
“We’re not looking for a woman, it’s not possible”
"You never really finish a painting. You just stop working on it."

Reasonable Doubt (2014)
Lawyer Dom Cooper gets himself in a bit of a pickle when he kills someone drink driving and Sam Jackson takes the blame and he ends up prosecuting him for the crime he committed. A pickle indeed.
Jackson’s character is phenomenally unlucky, his family was murdered in his past and he’s just a good samaritan that ends up in a whole lot of trouble…. or is he?
The dialogue is pretty bad and there some clumsy nods and winks, some would you turn yourself in? And the anonymous caller has an accent not unlike your own type of stuff.
This is a story of cover ups and guilt with a few twists and turns and perfunctory performances. Basic and feels like a good episode of a good TV program rather than a  movie but sometimes less is more and this is passable.
"Charge him. Murder one".
“Well, it looks like you just fucked up our reasonable doubt here, Mitch.”
"Fuckin paperwork!"
"Oh you think this guys a Serial Killer?"

Non Stop (2014)

Yeah. Well this should have been called “Oh dear God! Please, please make it stop!”
You Bryan Mills from Taken? You know aeroplanes? Yeah kind of that. 
Neeson is an Air Marshall with with a tragic past. On a flight to London someone starts texting him and systematically bumping off passengers demanding a ransom of $150m.
Onboard the plane is a hotpotch of suspects:  a Muslim (shock horror!), Scoot McNairy, Obnoxious Guy, a cute little kid travelling alone, a hot chick and Julianne Moore.
There’s suspense here, it does that thing of lingering on various people thing making you think “oh it could be him” or “oh he’s always a bad guy”, it even tries to imply it could be Neeson himself. After throwing you a few red herrings it reverts to the person you probably thought in the first place. And their motives? Please! Bloody hell, piss poor.
This has a basic premise and should be in and out in 90 mins but sticks around too long and the ending is just rubbish.
"We’re midway over the Atlantic!"
"You’re a dick!"
"I’ve lost my family, my job, and I’m an alcoholic"
"They’ve asked me to take your badge and your gun!".
"Seriously, did you just call me maam?"

Predator 2 (1990)
Ok, gave this a rewatch based on Eric from Flicksation’s endorsement…. and am pleasantly surprised, in fact I’ve pretty much done a 180. I think once you get over the lack of Arnie (which is hard for me) this is pretty good.
They’ve swapped the Jungle for the Concrete Jungle and this time Rather than picking of Soldiers the Alien is picking off Drug dealers and Cops in LA. It’s a pursuit movie with a few thread complications.  Gary Busey’s Government plan to catch it and use it for weapons (hello Alien?) and there’s some nice stuff with Weed smokin, Lilt drinking Bob Marley style Jamaican Yardies.
Danny Glover is actually ok, he’s doing his Lethal Weapon schtick and I have no complaints. They reuse all the good stuff about the first one and don’t add anything bad.
Lots of guns, lots of shooting, lots go high intensity testosterone and plenty of “son of a bitches!” As Glover and team pursue their invincible foe, mildly disappointing finale but a decent 90s watch.
"Goddam, is that bitch on the rag or what?"
"Shit happens"
"You want some Ganja man?"
"Hey kid. Welcome to the war!"
"OK pussyface, it’s your move".
"Astounding. It doesn’t match anything on the periodical table of elements".
"You can’t see the eyes of the demon, until him come callin!"





Directed by Jose Padilha, Written by Joshua Zetumer, Edward Neumeier and Michael Miner, Starring Joel Kinnaman, Gary Oldman, Michael Keaton, Abbie Cornish and Jackie Earle Haley

Synopsis - In 2028 Detroit, when Alex Murphy - a loving husband, father and good cop - is…


The Fault in our Stars (2014)
Blimey. Now. I’ll admit to being a soppy old sod but I challenge any man to watch this movie and keep a dry eye. This is the first time I’ve wanted a movie to end because my emotions couldn’t take it anymore.
My emotional draining aside this is a very good film. Yes it uses every cliché, trick and manipulation tool in the book but a movie that gives you that strong an emotional reaction can be no bad thing right?
I think we all know the synopsis, two kids united by Cancer and literature, becoming friends, falling in love coping with things that would be extraordinary to most but are ordinary to them….
Performance wise pretty much everyone is on their game, Laura Dern in particular delivers some absolutely heartbreaking moments whilst of both our Hero and Heroine are superb. I thought both were decent in Divergent (where they were Brother & Sister which you have to disassociate rather quickly here) but nothing special. Here I see real star quality… in bot. It helps getting material with such dramatic heft I’m sure. There is one particular scene where some bad news is received and the resulting cry is just haunting, just devastatingly believable.
Good in a very, very sad way.
"Okay can be our always"
"I don’t want to see a world without Augustus Waters in it"
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